


Play On My Heartstrings Like a Piano

by swagnushammersmith



Category: The Martian - All Media Types
Genre: Based on a Tumblr Post, Beth is a Nerd, Both Classical and Modern, Chris is New In Town, Hopeless pining, Love of music, M/M, Mark is Hopeless in Love, Mark is a YouTube Star, Mutual Pining, One Shot, ariana grande - Freeform, ish, unbetaed, youtube au
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-24
Updated: 2018-01-24
Packaged: 2019-03-08 19:32:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,051
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13465050
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/swagnushammersmith/pseuds/swagnushammersmith
Summary: Mark Watney is a famous YouTube personality, known for his videos on botany. Lately though, his videos are made difficult to record because someone upstairs is always playing the piano.





	Play On My Heartstrings Like a Piano

“Hey YouTube, I’m Mark Watney and I do botany! Please excuse the distant sound of piano in the background, that’s something I can’t help. But let’s just think of it as nice background music to this video today!

  
“In this video I’m going to answer this pressing question that some people have asked me, and it goes a little something like this: I am someone who really loves potatoes, and yet my family and friends insist it’s unhealthy how much I eat them! Would it be possible to survive on a diet of nothing but potatoes?

  
“Let’s break it down, shall we?”

  
Mark carried on his scientific explanation in his video.

He was a fairly popular personality on YouTube, with no less than 100,000 views on a single video. Some of his videos did have millions of views for one reason or another, like the one where he manage to flag down celebrities to guess what certain botany terms meant. Of course viewers were probably more interested in seeing Travis McElroy struggle to define what anemophilous pollination was, but it was nice to have the support nonetheless. YouTube took to being a full time job once he gained a huge following, and Mark was grateful that he could do what he loved with this platform; talking about botany.

Unfortunately the past few weeks were hard in the way of recording his videos. Without fail, someone in the apartment in the floor above would start playing their piano when Mark would start filming. He expressed his disgruntlement in a few videos of his about the “piano guy.” A good handful of Mark’s fans took to joking about “shipping” him with the mysterious faceless “piano guy,” sending him humorous art and comics. Mark got a laugh about it too.

It wasn’t necessarily that the piano playing was unbearable; lord no. It would be unbearable if the person in question wasn’t any good at playing. They were actually quite talented. It was just honestly super distracting when he was just trying to record his videos.

It happened again the next week, almost as soon as Mark hit the “record” button on his camera. Instead of pausing to grunt at the matter, he decided to make good use of this moment. He pulled out his phone and opened Twitter.

  
**@WatneyBotany:** _Piano Guy is at it again. It’s like he just KNOWS when I hit the record button! 1/?_

  
**@WatneyBotany:** _No matter, I’m gonna make use of this opportunity! I’m gonna go up there and see if I can request some personal bg music for this video! 2/?_

  
**@WatneyBotany:** _What should I ask him to play? 3/3_

  
A large portion of responses included either “Everybody Knows Shit’s Fucked” by Stephen Paul Taylor, “What’s Going On” by 4 Non-Blondes, and “Never Gonna Give You Up” by Rick Astley. A suggestion that he really liked popped up, Liebesträume No. 3 in A Flat by Franz Liszt. He wrote it down on a piece of paper and snapped a photo of it to post to Twitter.

  
**@WatneyBotany:** Ok I’ve got the request, time to deliver it.

  
The sounds of piano grew progressively louder as Mark got closer to the source of it.

  
**@WatneyBotany:** Feeling weirdly nervous going to Piano Guy’s door, wish me luck guys.

  
Mark knocked on the door (after faltering a few times). The music suddenly stopped and ohgodit’shappeningwhatwasmarkhopingtoaccomp-

  
The door opened.

  
Oh no.

  
Oh lord no.

  
Oh lord _**no**_ Mark was screwed.

  
Mark was screwed with a capital S and he was locked in tight with a nut. _Wouldn’t that make me bolted-- now is not the time, Mark!_

  
Piano Guy was standing before him and he was so. Fucking. Cute. Dark hair was messily pushed back on his head, though a couple of rebellious strands still fell in front of his face, bringing attention to his pale blue eyes. Mark almost shivered getting caught in those icy eyes.

  
“Hello, can I help you?” the until-this-very-moment Mysterious Piano Guy asked.

  
It took Mark a moment before he could unhinge his jaw and respond. “Uh, hi,” he started, “so, um… I’m from downstairs, and I heard your piano playing and-”

  
“Oh, I’m not bothering you with it a

m I?” Piano Guy asked, legitimate concern on his face. “I asked the neighbors up here if they would mind but I didn’t think to ask you guys downstairs!”

“Oh nononononno,” Mark stopped him. “It’s good, it’s good. I just… I just wanted to ask if you took requests.”

  
Piano Guy was a bit taken aback by that. “Uh, yeah sure, what do you wanna hear?”

  
A little too quickly, Mark handed over the piece of paper with his request on it. Piano Guy looked at it for a moment before smiling fondly.

  
“I can do this, I’ll have to dig out the sheet music for it, but yeah!” he said. “Thanks for the request!”

  
“Uuhhh, yeah, thanks!” Mark said. Not really thinking, he waved goodbye to Piano Guy and walked off.

  
He didn’t make any other sound until he got back into his apartment. The sound could only be described as “screaming with his mouth closed.”

  
**@WatneyBotany:** _So I did it. I gave the request to Piano Guy. So. Yeah._

  
**@WatneyBotany:** _He took it and is digging for the sheet music at the moment. So. Yeah._

  
**@WatneyBotany:** _Gonna start recording vids now…. So. Yeah._

  
Mark sat himself in his spot for filming, his notes taped to the wall before him. And of course, as soon as he hit the record button, Piano Guy started playing.  
“Hi YouTube, Mark Watney and I do botany! Ummm…” He stared off for a moment, his notes suddenly forgotten.

  
“So, I’ve talked about Piano Guy for a little bit now, you’ve heard his stuff in the background of some of my videos now, he’s playing in the background right now….” Mark paused to let some of the music play.

  
“Well I finally met Piano guy today, and uh. I- I gave him a request to play what he’s playing right now because I asked you guys on Twitter, and uh. Yeah. I hate to say it, but Piano Guy’s cute. And this means I’m boned for life. More on this epic saga as it continues…” Mark saw his notes and snapped himself out of this trance he allowed himself to fall into.

  
“So anyways, this week, I got a question on Twitter that I thought would be interesting to break down. ‘How much food would it take to solve world hunger?’ Right out the gate, I can tell you that we wouldn’t have to grow much more food at all; it’s all in the distribution of the food. So…”  
\---  
**@WatneyBotany:** _Round 2, gonna send another request to Piano Guy. I’m thinking Chopin this time around._

  
_Knock knock knock._

  
“Well hello again!” Piano Guy said. “Here to make another request?”

  
_Oh god why he looks so cute with that sweater and his hair tied back and--_

  
“Yeah, I was wondering if you could play any Chopin?” Mark asked.

  
“You seem to really know your classical composers,” Piano Guy said with a smirk.

  
“I listen to nothing but the classics when I’m doing botany research,” Mark said a little too fast.

  
“You’re a botanist?” Piano Guy’s eyes lit up with interest.

  
“Y-Yeah I am.”

  
“Fellow man of science, I’m a surgeon! I’m Chris, by the way!” Piano Gu- Chris said, and held his hand out to shake.

  
“Nice to officially meet you Chris, I’m Mark!” Mark shook his hand. “What kind of surgeon?”

  
“The veterinary kind. Um. You can let go of my hand now.”

  
“Ohhhh sorry about that.”

  
Chris laughed. “It’s ok. Um, if you want, you can come in and get an up close and personal show.”

  
_dontthinknastythoughtsdontthinknastythoughtsmarkDAMMITTOOLATE_

  
“Uh, yeah, thanks!” Mark said without thinking. And it wasn’t until Chris closed the door behind him that he processed the seriousness of the situation.

  
“Have a seat!” Chris said, pulling up a chair next to the grand piano in his sizable apartment.

  
Mark took in the sight of Chris’ apartment as he sat down. He was taken by surprise as a lean black cat jumped into his lap as soon as he sat down.

  
“Don’t mind him, he’s a friendly cat,” Chris said as he sat down in front of the piano. “His name is Sebastian and he’s very friendly to people.”

  
“Well hello to you, Sebastian,” Mark said, scratching the cat behind the ears. Sebastian leaned into the scratches, accepting Mark’s affection with closed eyes.

  
Chris smiled at the sight before he looked up and asked, “So Chopin, you said?”

  
“Yes yes,” Mark replied.

  
“Come on over, Sebastian, it’s practice time!” Chris called to the cat in Mark’s lap. Sebastian hopped on the seat right next to him.

  
_That has to be the cutest thing I’ve ever seen in my life…_ Mark did his best to hold in his tears.

  
“I’ve been trying to find what composers he likes the best since I’ve brought him in here,” Chris explained. “Haven’t played Chopin for him yet, so let’s see how that goes.”  
Chris dived into the Spring Waltz by Chopin. Sebastian’s gaze was focused intently on Chris’ hands as they moved across the piano.

  
Mark’s gaze however, was focused on Chris. He barely met this guy and yet here he was in his home watching him play piano. This was too much for him to handle.

  
**@WatneyBotany:** _So new developments… I’m in Piano Guy’s house. He invited me in._

  
**@WatneyBotany:** _It’s a different experience watching him play in person vs. just hearing it a floor below him._

  
**@WatneyBotany:** _Also he has the most adorable cat who likes classical composers._

  
**@WatneyBotany:** _No, I’m nOT making a move on him! NOT going for a kiss or a date are you all out of your minds?_

  
**@WatneyBotany:** _I should probably stop tweeting about this so you don’t get more ideas. You know the kinds of ideas I’m talking about._

  
**@WatneyBotany:** _ok i’ll admit the jokes ur making insinuating im a bottom for him bc i live a floor below him are hilarious_

  
Mark put his phone down in time to applaud Chris on his playing once he finished.

  
“Thank you, thank you, I’m here all week,” Chris said while modestly bowing.

  
“I think Sebastian really likes Chopin,” Mark said.

  
Chris turned to pet his piano companion. _Com-piano-ion?_ Mark thought. He internally shook his head at a poor attempt of portmanteau.

  
“I think he does,” Chris said. “He gets a little cross-eyed when he gets excited about something. Don’t you, Sebby?”

  
Mark almost couldn’t contain the way his heart fluttered at that. He had to leave before he spontaneously combusted from how cute Chris and his cat were. He excused himself, saying that he needed to do work (which wasn’t a lie) and that he would see himself out.

  
“Listen, before you head out, I just wanted to ask you something,” Chris said.

  
Mark didn’t exactly understand why, but he knew to be terrified in that moment.

  
“Yeah, what’s up?” he casually replied.

  
“I’m… I’m actually really new to the area and meeting new people has been tough,” Chris started. “That is, until you came to my door.” Mark gulped, nervous. “I figured we could have lunch at some point and make friends.”

  
Now, Mark considered himself a rational man of science who could logically come to conclusions in an array of different situations. However, here and now, he was having a hard time with his fight or flight response in front of this cute piano-playing surgeon with an equally cute cat. Yelling and jumping out of a window seemed too ideal.

  
“Uuuuuuhhhhhhhhhhh…” _Goddammit Mark snap out of it!!!_ “Sure, let me check my schedule and I’ll let you know when we can meet up!” _What the hell are you doing you make your own schedule, asswipe._

  
“Sounds great!” Chris smiled wide.

  
Mark felt a wave of vulnerability as he and Chris traded phones so that they could input their information. A metal and glass brick containing his whole life ( _and more importantly, his easily accessible Twitter app_ ) in the hands of a cute stranger was dangerous as hell. Of course, Chris simply handed Mark his phone back as soon as he saved his number. _Thank Christ._

  
“I’ll hear from you soon, then?” Chris asked with a smile.

  
“Yeah,” Mark said as he returned Chris’ phone. “Just let me know what’s good for you and I’ll let you know.”

  
“I can’t wait,” Chris enthused.  
\----

  
Writer’s Block took over once he got back. Mark was hunched over his desk, constantly switching between his open word processor and the twenty tabs he had open on Chrome finding answers for future videos. It was hard to concentrate on how to articulate the ways that plants felt pain for a YouTube audience when his mind kept reverting back to Chris. Not even Chopin or Wagner could make him hold his concentration at this point.

  
He was tempted to tweet about this date-but-not-really-since-Chris-needs-new-friends thing and the fact that he had his _phone number now dear lord_ but he kept deciding against it because this saga was getting ridiculous.

  
Eventually he gave up on research, bookmarking his internet tabs for later and deciding to call it a night. He plugged in his phone before climbing into bed and saw that he had a message.

  
_**Chris Beck:** I’m free Friday for that lunch if you are!_

  
Mark didn’t want to respond right away as to seem too eager, but he didn’t want to keep this cute pet doctor waiting either. He had to think for a moment either way because Fridays were normally spent editing and ordering in the same pasta meal from the Italian place around the corner. _Hm. I could spare a few hours for him. Change things up._

  
_**Mark Watney:** That sounds great! Anywhere in mind where you’d want to go?_

  
_**Chris Beck:** The Italian place around the corner sounds really good!_

  
Mark chuckled to himself. Well, things wouldn’t be too different.  
\----

  
So far the date-not-date was going smoothly.

  
Sure, long ago Mark had made peace with the fact that he was seven thousand times less awkward when he’s reading from a script. However, he was able to hold himself together (and pretend he wasn’t fretting over what to wear hours ago) in the conversation.

  
The air around them was relaxed in Mark’s favorite Italian restaurant. He was learning a lot about Chris; he was new to the area, just moved from Connecticut because the opportunity arose. He adopted Sebastian as soon as he moved because he wanted/needed the company and black cats are the last to be adopted. A light sparked in his eyes as he geeked out about his love for animals and how much his work meant to him. Mark smiled fondly at the passion Chris held.

  
He was biting into the familiar taste of his favorite fettuccine dish when Chris asked, “So I have to ask, are you on YouTube?”

  
Mark almost dropped his fork and had to fight to keep his food in his mouth.

  
“Uh well, yeah,” was all that he could do to respond. He didn’t consider that Chris would know who he was! Sure, he was decently popular on YouTube but he wasn’t one of those hip young makeup bloggers or whatever. Fear swam through him when-

  
Shit. _He was talking about Piano Guy in his videos. **Chris** was Piano Guy. _

_  
Oh no._

  
“Oh my god, that’s so cool!” Chris enthused, hands gripping his hair. “I thought that was you when I watched your video on world hunger!”

  
Mark mentally rewound the weeks in his mind to remember which video Chris was talking about. World hunger… that was a question that someone sent in, that was also the day that Mark knocked on Chris’ door for the first time-- shiiiiit. Of all the damn videos he could have watched.

  
“Well, it’s wasn’t exactly yours, it was something that a news site edited down and reposted or something,” Chris clarified.

  
On the inside, Mark screamed his enthusiasm to the gods. Normally reposting by other people and websites was a thorn in his side because crediting is often thrown to the wind. But this time, he was thankful for it.

  
On the outside, all Mark could do was blush and laugh modestly.

  
“That is a really interesting take on the issue of world hunger, I never really thought of it in that way.”

  
“It’s all part of my job, doing research,” Mark nervously laughed. “Did you watch any more of the videos?”

  
“I haven’t, no,” Chris said, and Mark internally let out a sigh of relief. “I just saw the one because a colleague posted it on Facebook.”

  
_Oh thank god._

  
“But I think I’ll get a look at some more later on, because I really liked that one!”

  
_Goddammit._

  
Just then, Chris was pulling something out of his pocket-- a pager it seemed. “What’s goin’ on there?” Mark asked as he took a more careful bite of his pasta.  
“Looks like I’m getting called in for an emergency surgery,” Chris responded, getting up. “Sorry to cut the conversation short like this.”

  
“Don’t worry about it, duty calls,” Mark reassured. “I’ll cover you on the bill.”

  
“Are you sure?” Chris asked, a genuine worried look on his face.

  
“Positive.”

  
“Thanks so much, I’ll get you back somehow!” Chris waved goodbye as he slow jogged his way out.

  
Mark just sank into his seat, because hoo boy.

  
\---

  
Mark could not sleep that night. No amount of shifting on the bed could appease his discomfort as his brain was alternating between intervals of fear and terror.  
Chris knew who he was.

  
Sooner or later he would realize that he was Piano Guy and Mark was not prepared for that conversation.

  
Ooooh how Mark wished he could tweet about this now. But everything was different now. What if Chris saw it because Mark just had to put his social media information in the descriptions of his every video? The urge itched so bad because Twitter was where he normally dumped his thoughts when he couldn’t sleep. And while sure, a lot of Twitter users were insufferable (he ignored the endless harassment that he either kill himself or drink wine from certain orifices of his admirers,) he enjoyed that he got a lot of positive feedback and sometimes helpful advice from his followers.

  
He resolved to just do his best to not worry about it and got up to read for a bit to hopefully finally tire out his wiry brain.

  
\----

  
Mark rushed to set his watering can down as his phone rang. He cracked a smile once he saw who it was on the caller I.D.; it was Beth, his best friend, and all around gold medalist in the nerd olympics, if there were such an event.

  
“Sup, nerd?” he answered.

  
“What’s up with _you_ , nerd?” responded the voice on the other end.

  
“I was watering some very important plants.”

  
“Don’t let me get in the way of your thrilling work.”

  
Mark shook his head and laughed. “Oh no, I’m so honored that you took time out of your _Mass Effect_ schedule to talk to me, I wouldn’t miss it for the world.”

  
“I don’t even need to take that time out, it’s called multi-tasking. I can romance Garrus _and_ ask you if you’ve boned boned down with Piano Guy yet all at once.”

  
Mark nearly dropped his phone in surprise. “Beth!” he scolded once he regained grip on his phone. He _really_ needed to get one of those phone grip thingies.

  
“What?” she asked, as if her question were totally reasonable. “You’ve been drooling all over him on Twitter, and in your videos; I just wanted to get the insider information. I’m your best friend, I _should_ be getting first dibs on this stuff.”

  
Mark mentally slapped himself. He _was_ fawning over Chris. “Listen, I don’t-- I--” He stumbled.

  
“Listen, Mark, you don’t have to give me _all_ the gross dirty details, but at least tell me if it was good. And maybe if he needs the lights off. Does he have a pair of jeans that he wears only for engaging in sexual congress? That would be hilarious.”

  
“Oh my god, Beth.” Mark pinched his nose. “I haven’t, we haven’t-- I just learned his name not too long ago!”

  
“Oh damn, Mark, you waste zero time--”

  
“Beth, look, we haven’t--” Mark sighed. “I haven’t boned down with _Chris_ yet. Oh god. ‘Yet?’ What am I saying?” He put his hand into his face.

  
“Why not? He’s cute isn’t he? Oh, speaking of cute- Garrus you’re perfect and I love you…”

  
“Yeah, Beth, I’ve just only talked with him twice and had dinner with him once and he had to rush--”

  
“HOLD UP, YOU WENT ON A DATE?” Beth shrieked.

  
Mark had to pull his phone awayfrom his ear so that he could preserve his poor ears. “Hey Beth, could you screech that a bit louder? I think Norway got you, but Sweden’s having trouble hearing you!”

  
“Mark, you can’t not expect me to yell!” Beth rebutted. “I’m happy for you!”

  
“It wasn’t even a date, though, Beth!” Mark ran his hand through his hair with some frustration. “He just-- he wanted to take the opportunity to make new friends, and--”

  
“Show him to the rest of our gang, we’ll be his friends,” Beth said. “That way you can focus on the boning down part.”

  
“You had me there in the first half, I’ll have to admit.”

  
“And hopefully you’ll have him in the bottom half.”

  
“ _Beth!_ ”

  
“Why are you so reluctant to make a move, Mark?”

  
“One, you’ve met me, right Beth? You clearly know I’m awkward when I don’t have a YouTube script in front of my face, right?”

  
“Fair point there.”

  
“Two, he’s kind of seen a video of mine and I don’t want to deal with the discussion of him being Piano Guy if he’s seen any of my tweets.”

  
“Well, if that’s the case, I can make your funeral arrangements.”

  
“What else are friends for, right?”

  
“You should tell him eventually though, that would be just. Weird if you didn’t.”

  
“I’ve dug myself in deep, haven’t I?”

  
“Yeeeep.”

  
\----

  
Chris never made any allusion to the possibility that he knew that he was the ever legendary Piano Guy mentioned in his videos, or that he watched any of Mark’s other videos in the first place, so Mark let his shoulders unclench. However, he did stop mentioning Piano Guy in his videos, to the disdain of his followers.

  
He did his best to make Chris feel welcome. He introduced him to the group of colorful personalities that he called his friends. Beth gave Mark a knowing and smug look upon Chris’ introduction. Mark paid her back with a look that said, “Don’t you dare say anything.”

  
Beth just shrugged and went about asking Chris about what he thought about his new place of living. Everyone else joined in, curious about this new character that Mark was hiding from them. Sure enough, Chris was absorbed into the clique with ease. Over the months, he was considered a close a friend as anyone else in the gang.

  
When Halloween came around, Mark insisted upon a movie night while they handed candy out to trick-or-treaters. Beth grinned evilly at the suggestion.

  
“Have you ever seen _The Human Centipede_ , Chris?” she asked.

  
“I don’t think so?” Chris responded, a little unnerved at the way Beth steepled her hands.

  
“Oh bro, you’d definitely remember seeing something like that,” Rick, whose friendship with Mark was based on insult, said.

  
“You’re gonna need to watch something light and fluffy after to recover from it,” his friend with an insufferable love of old music (mainly disco) named Melissa said.

  
Recovery was an understatement for what Chris needed one _Human Centipede_ film later. Mark felt bad, but anyone that was friends with Beth had to suffer through that at least once.

  
\--

  
Before everyone knew it, New Year’s Eve was upon them. Everyone took turns hosting for the holidays; Beth hosted the Halloween movie marathon, Rick invited everyone to his family’s Thanksgiving, a Pre-Black Friday sleepover was at Melissa’s house, and Christmas gifts were opened at Alex’s. Which meant that Mark was responsible for the hosting New Year’s Eve festivities.

  
It shouldn’t be that difficult, Mark thought.

  
Except he bit off a bit more than what he could chew between his social life and YouTube. He figured that he could maintain an upload schedule of three videos a week, and considering that he always filmed videos way ahead of time, and that there was something ready to edit and upload, he would be fine. But time for research was getting lost in the social activity, and Mark didn’t want to disappoint his fans in the upload schedule, and before he knew it, there were no more videos left in the backlog.

  
This, on top of the fact that he had nothing prepared for the New Year’s Eve party, which was two days from now. And his apartment was a mess. Shit.

  
Like an answer to a prayer that he didn’t know he sent out, a text notification buzzed on his phone.

  
_**Chris Beck:** I can’t wait for the NYE Party!_

  
_**Mark Watney:** It’ll totally blow all the other holiday festivities out of the water! _

_  
…_

_  
**Mark Watney:** Actually are you busy at the moment? _

_  
**Chris Beck:** You haven’t even started prepping the party have you? _

_  
**Mark Watney:** Just get your ass down here._

  
Soon enough, Chris was knocking at Mark’s door. Mark let him in, running hands through frazzled hair.

  
“So what’s up?” Chris asked as he walked in.

  
“Iiiiiiiii may have overestimated my abilities here,” Mark said, rubbing his face.

  
Chris took a quick look at the messy apartment and snickered. “I think you’ve got everything under control here, what are you talking about?”

  
“Ha, ha, Chris.” Mark let out a heavy breath. “Basically, I have no new material to work on as far as YouTube goes, and, yeah…. I have not even started prepping the party. I don’t know where to start here.”

  
“Say no more,” Chris said, and Mark looked at Chris, a bit stunned. “Give me a list, and I’ll get what you need for the party.”

  
“Wait, you’d do that?”

  
“Yeah, I don’t mind at all…. Plus Sebastian needs more food anyways and this would make for a more worthwhile run so.” Chris shrugged nonchalantly.

  
Mark firmly grabbed Chris on the shoulders. “Oh my god thank you so much I could kiss you right now.” _If only Chris knew exactly how down I really am for that,_ Mark thought.

  
Chris chuckled and slapped Mark on the arm in a friendly way. “It’s no trouble! Come on, get out that list, and then I’d suggest telling your devoted fans that there will be a delay in content till after the holidays.”

  
Mark grunted at that. Regardless, there was going to be a delay, he just would hate to disappoint to any degree. He grabbed a pen and paper and made quick work of writing down the materials he would need for the party.

  
“Here you go,” he said, handing the list off to Chris. “Thanks again so much for this.”

  
“You just worry about getting your house cleaned up and your fans informed,” Chris said, closing the door behind him.

  
Mark took a deep breath, and walked over to his computer. He flicked on the webcam and began recording. “Hey guys, Mark Watney here…”

  
One haphazardly filmed and uploaded video later, and Mark could focus on cleaning up his apartment. First step: putting on some tunes. He put on a Spotify playlist of high energy, practically goofy jams, a stark contrast to his research music.

  
Second step: actually cleaning. Mark gathered up his neglected clothes that were scattered across his bedroom floor. He took a look at his sheets, and he elected to wash those first.

  
Mark easily fell into a flow of cleaning, with some rhythmic dancing peppered in. It was amazing to him how easy it was to allow his apartment to fall into such dishevelment. He brushed that thought aside and just focused on cleaning. While his bed sheets were in the wash, he collected trash (which he shamefully had to fit into more than one garbage bag, oops), followed by organizing his notes and research materials. After moving his sheets to the dryer, he put his clothes in the wash.

  
“The only things left after laundry are vacuuming aaaannnnd,” Mark trailed off before turning to his kitchen, seeing his sink full of dishes, and bits of mess around the counters. He chuckled, filling the sink with dish water. _It’s been worse than this,_ he assured himself.

  
A variety of artists accompanied Mark as he washed his dishes. He still grooved along to the music, the rhythms guiding his hips side to side as he moved plates and utensils from dish water to rinse water.

  
It wasn’t until he was in the midst of wiping down his counters/impromptu performing to Ariana Grande’s “Everyday” that he realized he had an audience. One moment he was intensely gyrating his hips in time to the music and lip syncing to the vocals, the next he turned around to the sight of Chris sat at the bar staring at him, shit-eating grin plastered across his face. Mark froze, flushed with embarrassment. When did he even come in?

  
Mark scrambled to throw his dish towel into the sink and run to the computer to turn off the music. He ran a hand into his hair and leaned casually against his desk. “So, uh, when did you get back?”

  
“I never knew you could get so into washing dishes,” Chris said, grin still wide across his face. Mark looked down, still red from embarrassment. “I got back a few minutes ago. I tried knocking and texting you, but you didn’t answer.”

  
Mark blinked a few times before reaching for his phone in his pocket. He unlocked it and… that sure was a list of text notifications that he somehow missed.

  
“I’m so so sorry about that,” Mark said, “My music was clearly on way too loud and--”

  
“Don’t worry about it,” Chris said. “At least your door was unlocked so I could set everything down.” He gestured to the bags sitting on Mark’s dining table. “And honestly, when Ari’s in your ears, you gotta drop everything to groove.”

  
Mark chuckled. “If you didn’t practically just save my life, I’d totally hate you right now.”

  
“Just consider it payback for lunch all that time ago.”

  
Mark stopped. Has it been that long already? Damn.

  
“I’ll consider the fact that you didn’t record that and post it for the whole world to see payback, how about that?”

  
“Listen,” Chris said, “it does look like you’ve got everything under control now, I’m glad for that. You’ll be good if I take off? I still need to bring Sebastian his food.”

  
“Yeah, thanks again so much,” Mark said. “I’ll see you for the party.”

  
Chris smiled as he walked out. “I’ll see ya!” he said, closing the door behind him.

  
Mark smiled to himself, shaking his head. He pulled out his phone.

  
**@WatneyBotany:** _God bless Piano Guy._

  
\----  
Mark was putting the finishing touches together in his apartment when he (thankfully this time) heard knocks at his door. He rushed over to answer and see Beth cradling a bottle of champagne on the other side.

  
“It feels like I haven’t seen you in forever, Beth!” he joked, letting her inside.

  
“Ha ha, that joke wasn’t old when you said it the first five times,” Beth said. She turned to inspect the place for a moment. “You did a good job, here.”

  
“Thanks,” Mark said, setting the champagne on the table. The New Year’s Eve live event was already on the television, and appetizers were set up on the counter. Some glittery hats and oversized sunglasses marking the coming year were lined on the bar next to champagne flutes.

  
“You know if everyone else is on their way yet?” Beth asked.

  
“Alex and Rick have to drop their kids off at their sitters, then they’ll be on their way,” Mark said. “Want me to pop this open right now?”

  
“Wait till everyone else comes, I want it to be a moment, or something.”

  
Mark chuckled. “It shouldn’t take Chris too long, he’s just upstairs. Two steps and bam, he’s here.”

  
An evil smile crept onto Beth’s face. “He ever figure out your fun nickname for him?”

  
Mark sucked in a deep, frustrated breath in through his nose. “If it weren’t for the fact that everyone was expecting to see you tonight, I would have already murdered you.”  
“Come on, I’m just saying it’s adorable! You should tell him about it!”

  
“Listen, I’ve already spent a lot of 2017 in Panic Mode because he’s cute and I’m Too Gay to Function. I wanna spend these last few hours of it having fun at least.”

  
“You know it is my job as your best friend to make those hours as miserable as possible, right?” Beth spread her face into the most disingenuous smile she could muster.

  
“Is it too late to uninvite you from the party?”

  
“Yep!” Beth said as she threw her arms around him and pat a friendly kiss on his cheek. “Love you, Mark!” She turned to dig into the appetizers.

  
“Yeah, yeah,” Mark said, shaking his head with fondness.

  
Most everyone arrived not too long after. Despite having just seen each other a few short days beforehand, there was no shortage of stories to share. Alex and Helena were relaying stories of their short visit to Germany for the holiday when another knock came to Mark’s door.

  
Alex carried on with a funny story about something his youngest niece said while Mark went to answer. Considering everyone that was present, Mark knew that the person at the door had to be--

  
“Chris, you made it!”

  
“I did, indeed!” Chris awkwardly waved from the other side of the doorway. Did no one tell him that he didn’t have to dress this formally? Was it bad that Mark didn’t care? Was he seriously staring at Chris’ teal blazer like the biggest idiot in love? “I’m not too late, am I?”

  
“Never! Come on in!” Mark waved Chris in. “Guess who made it?” Mark announced to the rest of the party. Chris was welcomed with a collective “Hey!”

  
“We can finally crack open the champagne!” Beth said, rushing to retrieve the bottle she brought.

  
Mark chuckled. “She’s been waiting anxiously for everyone to arrive so we could make a moment out of popping the champagne,” he said.

  
“I would have came sooner but I was fussing over what to wear,” Chris said. He held out his arms, unsure of himself. “I don’t look weird, do I? I feel overdressed, seeing everyone else here.”

  
Mark flapped his hand dismissively. “You look fine. I’m sure at this point no one would care if you showed up in a speedo.”

  
“Well, I was originally gonna go with that, but holiday shipping is still so backed up so it didn’t arrive in time,” Chris joked.

  
“Always next year, right?”

  
“Can someone help me with this cork? It’s like, stuck in there!” Beth called from across the room.

  
Mark shook his head once again in fondness for his friend as he and Chris walked to the kitchen area. “It’s called a corkscrew, Beth,” he teased.

  
Beth held up the aforementioned tool. “It’s called ‘I’m Not Stupid Mark, God Just Designed My Hands To Be Dumb and Tiny,’” She retorted.

  
Mark took the corkscrew and bottle from Beth and popped open the champagne with ease. “Don’t worry Beth, you definitely loosened it up for me,” he further teased. All he received was an evil glare from Beth, where one moment she was staring him down and the next she shot a brief glance to Chris. He narrowed his eyes at her, a gesture communicating _You wouldn’t dare,_ and _Please dear god don’t even._ She quirked her eyebrow up at him before pouring herself a glass of the alcohol and walking to a new conversation in the room.

  
“What was that?” Chris asked.

  
Mark shook his head as he poured a glass for himself and Chris. “It’s nothing,” he said. “Once you’re friends with Beth for long enough you begin to develop a secret code.”  
“Well I can only hope to learn the language.” They clinked their glasses to that.

  
The year grew closer to its close, and Mark tried to hide his existential dread at the thought. “I mean,” he said in a private conversation with Melissa, “I feel like I’m the only one here without someone to kiss when the ball drops!”

  
“What are you talking about, Beth doesn’t have anyone either, but that’s okay,” she pointed out.

  
“No, she printed out a picture of a video game character, which apparently totally counts. Don’t fight her on that either.”

  
“Hmm, noted.” Melissa looked down at Mark, contemplating for a moment. “I thought that you would have had Chris for your kiss.”

  
Mark gasped, horrified. He was quick to shush Melissa, then scream-whispering, “Do you _have_ to be so loud?”

  
“Why? I’m just saying that by now you would have made a move--”

  
“Melissa please I’m begging you don’t be so loud about this.”

  
As if to pile further onto the torture, Beth strode up to the two to join their conversation. “Whatcha talkin about?” she asked.

  
“Someone kidnapped Mark and replaced him with the weirdest person on the planet,” Melissa said. “I just mentioned Chris and--”

  
“Melissa inside voice _pleaaaase_.” Mark wheezed.

  
“Aaaaaaand now we’re left with this mess.”

  
Beth exhaled a singular laugh. “There’s no telling him anything on that matter.”

  
“Why not?” Beth leaned in to whisper into Melissa’s ear for what felt like an eternity to Mark. Once she pulled away, Melissa gasped. “I thought--”

  
“Yeeep.”

  
“But he--”

  
“Uh-huh.”

  
“And his videos--”

  
“I know!”

  
The two threw a glance of near disappointment at Mark, to which Mark returned with an expression of pure unamusement. Melissa and Beth just walked away after that.  
Mark let out an exasperated huff before taking a seat on the couch; it was almost time to ring in the new year anyhow. He let his focus settle on the New Year’s live event on the television, and was pleased to find Ariana Grande performing.

  
_I’m so into you, I can barely breathe_

_And all I wanna do, is to fall in deep_

  
“Hey, look it’s your girl,” a voice said from next to Mark, and he chuckled.

  
“I’m not giving you another performance,” he said turning to Chris, who settled in next to him on the couch.

  
“Awww, and here I was hoping.”

  
_Oh, baby, look what you started_

_The temperature's rising in here Is this gonna happen?_

  
“Should have recorded that one time experience when you had the chance.”

  
“I’m really kicking myself now, that’s for sure.”

  
_Been waiting and waiting for you to make a move_

_(woo, oh, oh, oh)_

_Before I make a move_

_(woo, oh, oh, oh)_

  
Despite himself, Mark did let his shoulders groove and his head bop to the addictive beat. He tried hiding it behind a sip of his wine glass.

  
“After this song we’re gonna be the only chumps in the room without someone to kiss,” Chris said, a bit too bluntly for Mark’s comfort.

  
“I know,” he tried shrugging it off. “I was hoping to have someone this year but--” He shrugged again. “Resolution for next year, I suppose, huh?”

  
“What a party that will be,” Chris said. “Me in my speedo and you with a man to kiss.”

  
Mark laughed and turned his attention back to Ariana, performing in the too-cold weather with an unzipped puffy jacket to protect her from the elements.

  
_Oh, baby, look what you started_

_The temperature's rising in here_

_Is this gonna happen?_

_Been waiting and waiting for you to make a move_

_(woo, oh, oh, oh)_

_Before I make a move_

_(woo, oh, oh, oh) -- HAPPY NEW YEAR!_

  
The crowd on the screen raved and the thought processed in Mark’s brain; despite the certain level of comfort he shared with Chris in his friend group, he was never super open about his (lack of) love life-- with Chris or in general. That is-- aside from his YouTube videos, he supposed. Yet Chris said, “Man to kiss.” How could he--?

  
_Got everyone watchin' us, so, baby, let's keep it secret_

_A little bit scandalous, but, baby, don't let them see it_

_A little less conversation and a little more "touch my body"_

_'Cause I'm so into you, into you, into you_

  
It might have been possible Beth mentioned something but as much as she tortured him, she wouldn’t share such details of his life without his permission.

  
It was clear that the gears were turning in Mark’s head now, and Chris gave him a pat on the shoulder that broke him from his thoughts. Chris beckoned Mark to lean over closer, and he leaned in to whisper into Mark’s ear.

  
_Tell me what you came here for? '_

_Cause I can't, I can't wait no more_

_I'm on the edge with no control_

_And I need, I need you to know_

_You to know, oh_

  
“I know you’ve been trying to avoid it, but I know I’m the Piano Guy you mentioned in your videos.”

  
And Mark was sure there was no paler white in existence than the shade that his face turned to in that moment of shock and terror. How long has he known? Why bring it up _now of all times?_ Why was Mark so surprised at this? Why oh why oh why oh wh-

  
“I mean, I think it’s cute in a sort of awkward way,” Chris continued, “I just wish you would have said something before.”

  
“I- um-- I have no words right now,” Mark said. “Um--” he looked out to the balcony, thankful to find no one standing outside. “You wanna take this conversation outside?”

  
“Sure,” Chris said, and they both stood and walked to the balcony. A bit uncomfortable for Mark’s taste as _literally everyone_ saw them oh dear god.

  
The cold night air allowed Mark some relief from the warm buildup inside. “I guess, first question,” he started after closing the sliding door, “how long have you known???”

  
“Well,” Chris said, “Since watching some of your videos a few days ago and--”

  
“Wait-- only that long?”

  
“I never had much time outside of work and hanging out with you guys to just sit and watch your videos.”

  
Mark thought back-- he _was_ spending a lot of time with them, huh.

  
“If I weren’t so relieved right now I’d be somehow insulted.”

  
“Look,” Chris said with a huff, “If it’s any further consolation, I was glad to see you knocked on my door that first time because like--” He nervously ran his hand through his hair. “I thought you were really cute, okay? Just in your bespectacled way and when you handed me that piece of paper with Liszt on it for the first time and--”

  
“Whoawhoawhoawhoa,” Mark interrupted. “You? Thought… me? Cute? Me?” He pointed at himself stupidly.

  
“Yeah,” Chris laughed nervously. “Beth was pushing me to say something for the longest time and--”

  
“Wait, hold up,” Mark interrupted again. “She was telling _you to say something? When were you two hanging out?” “When she made me learn there were two other _Human Centipede__ films, for starters.” A sick look of recollection came across Chris’ face for a brief second before he turned back to look at Mark.

  
“I don’t, when did--”

  
“Listen, I asked her just if you were seeing anyone and--”

  
“Over Human Centipede films?”

  
“I mean, after that--”

  
“Oh god what dark secrets--”

  
The two took a moment to stop and take a breath in this continuous dance of interruption. Mark waved his hand up, in a show of you have the floor, I promise.  
“After Halloween we were hanging out a lot more just because out of everyone, I felt I could really talk to her about,” Chris hesitated for a moment, “well, this, situation. And every time she hounded me asking if I asked you and every time I said no and…” he trailed off.

  
“This is so stupid,” Mark said, chuckling.

  
“Wait, why?” Chris asked, confused. “She was pestering me to tell you you were Piano Guy!”

  
“Wait, what?”

  
The two deflated with laughter and relief and realization. In that moment Mark truly knew Beth to be his best friend ever, but also the Biggest Troll in the World.

  
And then the sliding glass door opened, and the Biggest Troll in the World popped her head outside with a smug smile on her face. “Just so you know, the ball’s gonna drop after this commercial so….” she cocked her head knowingly and walked back to the congregation that formed around the couch.

  
Chris looked up shyly at Mark. “So, you still need someone to kiss for the new year?” he asked.

  
Mark pretended to contemplate it for a second. “I think I can make something work.” He gestured to the open door in an “after you” motion, and they both walked back inside.  
They stood in an open spot next to Beth, as the commentators filled the time before the descent of the bal would commence. And while everyone was captured by the anticipation of the New Year, their gaze glued to the screen, Beth simply leaned in and whispered, “I love you both but you’re dumbasses.”

  
“I know,” Mark whispered back.

  
And then everyone started counting the final ten seconds of 2017. Alex and Helena preferred to count in their native German, whist Rick and Marisa preferred Spanish. Melissa and Robert squeezed each other’s hands tight, and Beth held her photo of Garrus in front of her.

  
**3...2…1… HAPPY NEW YEAR!**

 _  
_ Fireworks popped on the television as the crowd was showered in confetti, and everyone raised their glasses and shared their kisses. No hesitation lingered between Mark and Chris any longer as they held each other’s faces in their hands and leant in to kiss each other. And another wave of relief washed over Mark, as there was no longer any doubt or awkwardness between them.

  
Then they pulled away and Mark could definitely feel eyes on them-- and perhaps a shit eating grin or two directed their way. He didn’t care in the moment.

  
“Soooo,” Chris said after a minute, “you seein’ anyone?”

  
Mark giggled and playfully slapped Chris on the shoulder before leaning in to peck him on the lips again.

 

  
_So come light me up, so come light me up, my baby_

_Little dangerous, a little dangerous, my boy_

_A little less conversation and a little more "touch my body"_

_Cause I'm so into you, into you, into you_

__  
___\----  
_ “So I never thought I’d be making this kind of video for this channel, but here we are! I am Mark Watney and I do botany, and this is the Boyfriend tag!”

  
“That is so adorable, every time you say that.”

  
“Shoosh you. I’m talking to my audience right now. You sit and look pretty.”

  
“You think I’m pretty?”

  
“Anyways, this is Chris. Say hi Chris!”

  
“Hi guys. You might know me better as ‘Piano Guy,’ though.”

  
“This is the ever-elusive Piano Guy making the beautiful music in the background of my videos while I explain to you guys all the different ways that plants express how they feel pain.”

  
“So generally positive aren’t you?”

  
“Sooooo anyways we’ve been seeing each other for about six months now, and some of you, SOME OF YOU…. out there were wanting a status update on the Piano Guy situation, so I figured I’d just make this video for you!

  
“So here is how this works, I have this list of questions and you answer them, ok?”

  
“I don’t know, sounds harder than getting my PhD.”

  
“Get that shit-eating grin off your face and kiss me.”

**Author's Note:**

> http://www.lemonsharks.net/post/142876245033/classicstarlite-actualmodel-one-of-my This is the Tumblr post that sparked this thing.
> 
> Oh dear jesus this thing took forever it was sitting my drafts for literal YEARS
> 
> i hope you enjoy it 
> 
> please clap


End file.
